Lori’s posterous

Going back to work and balancing being a teacher, mother, wife and I don't know random person in the world is so difficult. While I was out of work I was so blessed to be surrounded by a nurturing world of Christian moms, who have helped me grow in my walk with Jesus, but now I am in the world and it takes a toll on me. It is so scary to see what today's high schoolers are battling every day in their life. I know that prayer is amazing, but at times I feel so helpless in working with them. I mean I am teaching chemistry, but so many are hurting so much deeper than I can teach. I don't feel at times I am reaching most of them and the choices that they are making. Sex and drugs are commonplace here. I can't believe it. The reality of the economy also looms on the minds and hearts of the kids.

So if you are randomly free pray for the kids and teachers in your neighborhood. We need all the help we can get. There are kids with parents in jail, parents that just don't love them. I just want to pray with them. Show them Jesus Christ. Please help me to be a light in their world.
THen I am not sure that I am doing a good job as mom. but, I am stil lat school and now I need to fight traffic to get home. I better go. Have a great week! love,
LOri

So my life has turned upside down and I don't know what to do about
it. So today I went to starbucks to look for God..... I can't seem to
find Him. I came armed with my bible, in pursuit of God and some 30
day knowing your bible book. Its not that I don't believe that God is
there. It is that I just can't seem to hear him. I am looking in the
bible, I can't hear him. Where is He? Don't get me wrong, the
wonders of this world there are so many proofs that he is here. But
do you ever wish he was right there sitting next to you. You could
just ask is this right and hear a clear exact answer. That is what I
want. Then there are things God is telling me that I don't want to
hear or believe. No wonder he doesn't come around. I have selective
hearing. But, I am not sure if I am hearing correctly. I am not
being obedient. He has blessed me in so many ways and I yet I deny
him. I am sorry God. Well, if anyone of you out there can hear him
let me know. I think I am on the wrong frequency. There was a point
a few months ago he was coming in loud and clear, but I didn't need
him them. I need him now desperately and I can't seem to rest in Him
or His plan. I lack faith. But, I know he is there. I believe O
help my unbelief.

God is so awesome and wonderful and faithful! I woke up this morning
to my husband looking at houses and yesterday so communicative with
the realtor. WOW! Praise God. We are moving somewhere.... all I
needed was some patience and to listen to God and my husband. When
given the opportunity to do things his way he will do it. I was
thinking God is always telling me to go left, while I say I wanna go
right here to buy this, or right here and do that... my heart is not
obedient, I ignore, and outright disobey God sometimes out of fear,
and stupidity. So today, I pray that I am obedient and listen to His
will, I submit and surrender, without fear. Thank you Jesus!
love, Lori

Well, this morning I woke up and I asked God to humble me and to fill
me with the Holy Spirit so that I would be nice to my husband. When I
want attention or need attention then I make my husband feel bad so
that he is nicer to me. It is a weird viscous circle. I don't know
how to explain it... He knows this too... he calls it fishing for
attention. But to get his attention I am mean to him or make him feel
bad. I wanted to stop this today.... so remember I asked God to
humble me. So well, the day went well then as I was leaving the
parking lot I hit the car mirror it cracked and fell off.... I can't
drive with out it well, I can but it is hard and dangerous. Evan
acknowledges this, but and wants it fixed immediately, and will cancel
our house showings....... NO I don't want that. I want him to see the
windward side and see if that is where we are going to live....
sigh..... so stressed out driving home..... I wanted to blame him
because he rushed me I hit the column.  Or
it was his fault becasue he didn't take time to teach me to properly
drive the van. I don't know how in my mind me hitting the pole was a
result of what EVAN did. God is so funny... he gave me a whole car ride
home to reason with myself and to actually realize how dumb I sound
humble me before I face my husband. He was kind and so full of mercy.
God also gave me an out so we can get it fixed tomorrow and see all of
the houses. I hope it works, as I plan it, but I am sure it will work
as He plans it.
 
His plan is so not mine. Also I want to blame my thoughts and crazy
ideas on the devil. It is just my flesh and my pride. Humble me Lord
and he did. I also had outlandish, but real and feasible if it is
God's plan that He would fill me so full, with the Holy Spirit
like my friend Shayna. I am not ready yet. It is not God's time and
He also knows how weak I am to take the glory. I am so humbled and
blessed and thankful for His timing. Please God, Help us to open our
hearts and our minds to your plans as to where we will live. Humble
me! thanks!
love,
Lori

Well, I have been growing in my faith... you know praying... reading my bible... saying blessings to people... but am I really being a true Christian? Do I have a heart like Christ? This something that was brought up at one of our mom's group meetings and it hit me like a brick wall recently. I was worried about selling my apartment. I did not think what a blessing to have a place to live. I was thinking I need more money. We were asking for prayer requests for what may seem like trivial details in our lives. Sometimes in all of the details in our lives we forget to put our heart where Jesus is. Not only what would Jesus do, but what would he feel? Would He worry about the trivial, or worry about the person? What is at the heart of the matter? I am also reading love dare. It is teaching me a lot about love. Love is a choice and an action, and if Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves that is a really daunting task. Try reading love dare. I Dare you! I am only on day 7 and it is very challenging. I know that this is how Jesus loved everyone and I can barely love my husband that way and I married him. So now I am trying to remember to love others as myself. Because gosh I have realized how much I actually love myself and how much I really do not put others before me. Love dare has taught me that Love is not selfish. I am working on it. I hope you have a blessed day!
love,
Lori

Good Afternoon.
My two children are sleeping and I am on the computer..... time to myself. I am loving it.  I just want to say how Faithful my loving God is.  My life is back on track.  I just want to write to the world that I love Jesus.  Not just a God, but Jesus.  I don't think many people know that there is only one Jesus.  I have just come to that realization and it has only been in the recent year maybe that I even understand the difference between God and Jesus Christ.  Not that Jesus Christ is not God, or the whole trinity argument, but that people generically label their belief in God and there are many different gods that they are praying too, in some pseudo Christian belief. But it is not a true God without Jesus.  Am I right? I am pretty sure this is true and it scares me.  So just to clarify! I love my God Jesus Christ. Amen!

Well, my husband is sick, my daughter is now sick and my son is asleep. My home, apartment is unusually quiet for 8 pm. Usually I am struggling to try and put kids to sleep. Usually I would cherish this quiet time. I am lonely. I should be praying to God, and asking Jesus for help with finding my house. I am tired. I am so blessed. I am so selfish. I just feel empty tonight. I don't know why, maybe it is lonely. I miss my mom who is now working really hard on her career which she put aside for raising us. She is doing so awesome, but sometimes I wish she would take a break. I miss spending time with her. She is my best friend. I miss my husband. He is in bed. Isn't it sad when there is no one to just call to talk to. Then, I don't want to call anyone and wake them up. I miss having friends because yesterday I went to lunch with my friends. I brought my kids... we didn't get to talk much. No you don't get to do much with kids. I love my kids. They are awesome. I have great friends, but there are certain times when I am lonely. I am tired. Some days I want to take a vacation from being a mom. But, then I look around and see all the super awesome moms out there. I thank God for the Grace He gives me daily. I ask for more wisdom. I wonder if I make the right choices. I forget to pray before big decisions. How does that affect my decision? I am also regretting that I picked my realtor for my house and now I have to tell my old realtor that I am going with someone else. How do I say that? I want to be honest, it is so hard for me. I am also thinking I may have made the wrong decision. I forgot to pray. I have so much doubt, but I know that there is no anxiety in God. It says do not fret, but pray. I wonder if I am praying correctly. Am I praying enough? I love this blog. At least I feel like I am writing to someone. I love writing random thoughts. Thanks again to iheartjesus. I love your comments..... you make it feel like life is going to be okay. It is just one of those moments in life when you feel all alone. Oh and I am sad because my dad is forgetting things. I should praise God that he is alive because two years ago he had a stroke that could have killed him, but since then he hasn't been the same. I miss him too. I miss my old reliable dad. The quickwitted guy, who did everything for me. Now I need patience with him. My life is changing so fast. Somedays I can't even believe that I am a mom. Responsible for others. I still need my mom and dad to take care of me. Time is going so fast for me. My daughter is two can you believe it? I can't remember how old I am. It doesn't matter any more, but I truly do have joy in my life. I just can't seem to find it at the moment.
But, tonight before bed, we were in our small bedroom and Evan, my husband read for us the bible. I have tabs with different animals and recently I have been asking Ellie, to pick an animal we want to read and I read a chapter to her in the bible. She is two she doesn't get it. It was joy to see my family together reading God's word. I would love for my family to read the bible together daily. It was a blessing. Well, anways.... thank you for being my friend tonight. I needed to cry a bit, and yet know that God loves me. Thank you for being my blessing. Good night..... love, Lori

I was inspired to write as someone new has subscribed to my blog.  Thank you iheartjesus.  I haven't written in a while.  We had a good service today about Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
To trust with all of your heart is so hard.  I really mean it.  I rely on my own understanding, then I try to yield to my husband... and then sometimes I ask God. 

Well, we are house hunting.  It is so hard.  We need to sell our apartment then buy a house as we don't have the funds to just buy a house.  In my mind I think that I want a million dollar home and  we don't have that kind of money.  I don't want to sound like a complainer.  I just don't know how to acknowledge God, yeild to husband and trust God with all of my heart.   Who should I pick as a realtor. I want someone I can talk too, but I don't want someone too nice as I want them to get me the best deal for my money.  There are so many variables and what ifs that I can't seem to just leave up to God or my husband.  I want to be in control and I don't really agree with all the things that my husband says... then my pride gets in the way, because sometimes I think I know that I prayed or read my bible today therefore God has blessed me with more knowledge or wisdom... not necessarily true as we don't necessarily understand God's Logic.  He may want to humble me today and have me listen to my husband's advice... so mostly I know God's grace and faithfulness in my mind, but it is this mind that sometimes keeps me from being able to trust God with ALL my heart as it is now always logical.  did I tell you that I am a chemistry major?  Well, I will keep you updated on my house hunting.  Oh and sleep training is not very good.  I hate hearing my son cry so I nurse him from like about 2 am till about 7 off and on.... but, it is my own lack of faith. 
God has blessed me with everything my heart could desire.... an awesome husband, children, a great family and still I lack for faith.  Just a confession.  This year, I hope to be more faithful to God.  thanks for listening. Oh and to all who read this Happy New Year! Actually...  I pray for a Joyous new year.  For Joy is a blessing from God!  If you ever need a good email devotional I have signed up for Rick Warren's email devotional it is short and a good read in the morning.  You should try it at https://www.saddlebackresources.com/en-US/MyAccount/Login.htm

Love, Lori

Well, I haven't posted in a long time.... I went through a dark time... when I felt attacked... .but I am not sure if what it was. I am learning a lot about my walk with Jesus. I am mostly learning to be bolder in declaring I am a Christian. I find it both freeing and scary. But I was thinking a lot about my relationship with my husband that I find well, a lot like my relationship with Jesus. But, my husband and I are both human. But for example, one of the reasons I fight a lot with him is that I keep score in my head and I feel somehow that I work harder than he does.... I am not sure that this is true. In fact, it may be entirely false. But, in my mind it is true. I also feel that I work hard so he loves me. But, he doesn't love me because I do the laundary or take care of the kids. He loves me because of who I am. He has even told me that he is not going to divorce me because I don't do the laundry. Well, I don't think that thought has really crossed his mind... well, at leas that he has told me... that is because my husband is super awesome and at times I take it for granted... but it was just an observation that I made.... I wish I had more time to post.....
The other thing is that it is the Christmas season and I must confess I have grand ideas of the things that I want.... things that I don't need that will transiently make me happy.... but I pray that this Christmas season I will humbly accept the gift that God has given me in His son Jesus Christ. Thank you God for such a sacrifice as I know that I could not give my children up for others.... thank you for loving me God.
Love,
Lori
Merry Christmas...

I just wanted to update that I made it through day 1.  So I let my son cry it out.  I made it.  Through prayer and God was with me all the way. He is so faithful.  I just wanted to praise God.  It was hard, my son probably lost his voice from crying so hard, but I know that it was what I should do.  I felt a sense of peace through all of the turmoil.